The morning settled
over my existence wrapped in crushing, immobilizing cold. The air
itself crystallized around me when I stepped into it, to tend to the
immediate needs of wild creatures who have come to depend on my
support. They do mind the cold but they need to eat, and to drink. I
help as I can.
Like all things
of late, it made me think. That can be a dangerous thing, because it
isn’t what is around you, but what you take from it. You can take
the remaining warmth and envelope your heart with it or you can
solidify in the depth of the freeze. You can be deadened by the
overcast, or glory in a warming beam of sunlight that finally reaches
you. All around me are shadows of the past. In like profusion are the
realities of the present, and dreams of the future.
The past can be
a foundation by which the efforts of the present are supported, or it
can be a binding weight that prevents a worthwhile foray into the
future. Like everyone, my past is mottled with both pain and
pleasure. I dearly love to remember the pleasures and I deeply miss
so much of it, knowing without so much as a wraith of doubt, I will
never see most of it again in my lifetime. But, there are two
positives to tip the scale in my favor, one, the pains experienced
are also in the past, which means they are no more. The other is the
certainty that I have not experienced anywhere near all of the
pleasure and promise that I may. If I want to, I’d better prepare
for it, rather than to stagnate among the painful memories that
compose the darker side of a mottled past.
Who we are and
who we may become is only partly controlled by choices we make. I
scoff at the fairy tale that proclaims “happiness is a choice.”
It isn’t unless all choices are mine, and they certainly are not. I
am but one person, and can use only what I have to fend off those who
care not at all if I live, die, prosper or perish. I could not
control the actions or decisions of a spouse. I cannot control the
actions or decisions of anyone, not a lover, not a friend, not an
enemy, certainly not my children. If I am diligent, I may be able to
control my own.
That is my
goal. Let it overspread my existence, lift up my life, enable my
finest efforts and raise the overall outlook of humanity upon this
earth.
I wish for you,
precisely the same.
